Life is full of surprises and on a particular morning recently I walked into a car wash that I use regularly in suburban Chicago. 

After dropping my car off, I entered the waiting room and was greeted by the owner, a friend. He asked me to come into his office so he could talk to me about a personal matter.

He looked both tired and agitated and went right to the heart of his problem. It seems a gentleman he had worked with a long time ago had called one of the owner's partners and made some unflattering remarks about the owner's character. My friend simply couldn't understand why his former colleague would "do such a thing." He went on to say that his former friend and he had always had a pretty good relationship, and "It's hard for me to believe he would do something like this."

This all had apparently happened the day previously, and from the look on my friend's face it was apparent he had not slept well and was still angry. As best I could, I tried to calm him down and told him not to do anything foolish like confronting his antagonist and consequently doing something solely out of emotion. I also told him he should be happy his other partner was good enough to tell him about the phone call so he was aware that this sort of thing was going on.

I always think that advice holds is no matter what the situation. Stop, think, and then react. Unless your livelihood or family is immediately threatened, going after someone is almost never worth it. Simply chalk it up to experience and move on. Or wait and react strategically. The owner of the car wash could call his former colleague and ask to meet, then calmly ask whether the two of them have a problem they need to work out.

I also told my friend that I had had his experience before. I know it is difficult to deal with rationally. For all kinds of reasons, whether it be jealousy or ego or even stupidity, this kind of thing goes on all the time in the workplace.

One of my former bosses, Ernest B. Howard, MD, the executive vice-president of the American Medical Association, once told me that "people behave like people," and that I should not be shocked when I experience aberrant behavior. That was some time ago, and after many years of experience I realize how right he was.

Of course it's wrong to denigrate other people. It is up to organizations, not individuals, to police it. Leaders need to set the tone of expected behavior and make it very clear that the denigration of another person's character is a flagrant violation of culture and organizational rules. If they don't, that type of insidious behavior will continue. I've even seen it at the very highest levels of our industry.

Once, the top executive of one of the most prestigious healthcare systems in the country approached me about something that had happened to him personally. It seemed a competitor had come into the picture as a bidder on a hospital his own system was trying to buy. The rival had started rumors not only about the system but about my friend's character. It was, to say the least, difficult for him to deal with these dirty tricks. He wanted to do something about it, but really didn't know what to do and asked me as a member of the press for my advice. I told him to do nothing because his reputation and that of his system were impeccable and everyone in the business knew it. I told him that the competitor acting in an unprofessional manner was rendering himself less credible. Tit for tat only drags you down to the mud, while taking the high road shows character, and people can sense that.

In the end, my friend and his system did nothing, and the competitor lost the bid for the hospital in question, proving the point.

Often, the price of leadership is to ignore attacks and rise above any kind of unethical or unfair attacks by other parties.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when you need to stand up and hold the other party accountable. When someone has slandered you publicly and on the record, you need to defend your credibility. But you don't lash out with similar attacks. Before you react, make sure you have thought things through and are acting in a manner that does not in any way reflect badly on either you or your organization. Your reputation, after all, is the most important thing you have when you deal with others. Protect and cherish it!